The Comedy of Errors
I’d like to thank Microsoft for inspiring this tale, and Shakespeare for inspiring the style. Although names have been changed, all events actually happened. Conversations have been simplified but subject matter and time periods remain the same.
Dramatis Personae
Solinus, generic Microsoft support officer
Aemilia, myself
Balthazar,shop owner
Act I
Scene I. Aemilia’s Office
Aemilia sits at a desk
Aemilia. Alas! Mine computer device hath ceased! What am I to doth?
Thank the gods it hath a warranty
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. Mine computer hath kicked the bucket, can thee repair t?
Solinus. Of course, just giveth t to us and we’ll sendeth a new one
Aemilia. O summer’s day; hither tis
Aemilia hands computer to Solinus
Exeunt Solinus
Act II
Scene I. Aemilia’s Living Room
3 weeks have passed, Aemilia sits on a couch
Aemilia. The sands of time are passing by, whither is mine computer?
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. I gaveth mine computer to thee 3 weeks past, at which hour I do beseech you expect t back?
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene II. Aemilia’s Living Room
Some time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. My most humble apology, we hath lost the computer. Doth not despair, we have despatched a new one to you to beest delivered to thy residence at 2 Apple street
Aemilia. How, how? I liveth not th’re, wh’re didth thee receiveth yond addresseth?
Solinus. Yond’s the addresseth thee gaveth
Aemilia. Tush, tush, I has’t not hath lived thither for 3 years, I liveth at 5 Henley street
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene III. Aemilia’s Living Room
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. My most humble apology, we has’t hath sent t to the wrong addresseth. I has’t escalat’d t to redirect t to thy home
Aemilia. Can thee bid me at which hour ‘twill arriveth?
Solinus. T shouldst arriveth in several days hence
Exeunt Solinus
Act III
Scene I. Aemilia’s Office
Several days have passed, Solinus stands in the room
Solinus. O Aemilia, Aemilia, wherefore art thou Aemilia? We w’re unable to redirect thy comput’r, prithee contact us lief
Exeunt Solinus
Enter Aemilia
Aemilia. I hath heard Solinus speaketh but that gent hast gone anon, I wilt findeth that gent immediately
Scene II. Aemilia’s Office
Some time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Thee w’re looking f’r me Aemilia, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. Aye, thee hath left a message
Solinus. We w’re unable to deliv’r thy addresseth to 2 Apple street
Aemilia. But I liveth not there, t shouldst beest hath sent to 5 Henley street
Solinus. T wast hath sent to the addresseth did provide, we can’t redirect t
Aemilia. Fie, fie. I didst not giveth yond addresseth, thee madeth a misprision
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene III. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. My most humble apology, I can seeth yond th’re wast a misprision madeth and thy computer wast hath sent to the wrong addresseth
Aemilia. Buzz, buzz, can thee sendeth t to mine own addresseth anon
Solinus. T can beest did collect from the st’re
Aemilia. But I cannot v’rify mine own identity, mine own addresseth is diff’rent from yond on the parcel
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene IV. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. My most humble apology, I shall arrangeth to deliv’r t to thy addresseth. What is thy pref’rr’d addresseth?
Aemilia. I already did provide t with mine own ‘riginal repaireth requesteth. Much!
Solinus. Aye, I can seeth yond h’re. I shall has’t t hath sent to 5 Henley street
Exeunt Solinus
Act IV
Scene I. Aemilia’s Office
Another week has passed, Aemilia sits at a desk
Aemilia. Anoth’r week hast hath passed, and still nay computer
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. I hath sent mine own computer to thee a month past and I still has’t not t backeth. I spake to someone a week ago but haven’t hath heard aught since
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene II. Aemilia’s Office
Some time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. The parcel is waiting f’r thee to collecteth at the st’re
Aemilia. Alas, I wast toldeth a week past t wouldst beest hath sent to me
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene III. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. T can beest did collect from the st’re
Aemilia. Peace, fool, I can’t v’rify mine own identity to collecteth the parcel as the addresseth is inc’rrect
Solinus. We hath used the addresseth thee did provide, t wast hath sent to 2 Apple street
Aemilia. O me! I didst not provideth yond addresseth, mine own addresseth is 5 Henley street
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene IV. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. I shall arrangeth f’r someone to collecteth the parcel and deliv’r t to thy pref’rr’d addresseth
Aemilia. Can thee confirm what pref’rr’d addresseth thee has’t listed?
Solinus. We has’t 5 Henley street list’d h’re, we shall deliv’r the computer to yond addresseth
Exeunt Solinus
Act V
Scene I. Aemilia’s Office
Several days have passed
Aemilia. Anoth’r week hast hath passed, and still nay computer
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. I’m still waiting f’r mine own computer to beest deliv’red, much timeth hast hath passed
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene II.Aemilia’s Office
Some time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. I spake with the messeng’r, who is’t hast deliv’r’d the computer
Aemilia. Push! Is’t in mine own house? Then t hasn’t been deliv’r’d!
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene III. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. The parcel is waiting f’r thee to collecteth at the st’re
Aemilia. I cannot collecteth t from the st’re as mine own details list’d on t art false
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene IV. Aemilia’s Office
More time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. I shall arrangeth f’r someone to collecteth the parcel and deliv’r t to thy pref’rr’d addresseth
Aemilia. Can thee confirm what pref’rr’d addresseth thee has’t listed?
Solinus. We has’t 5 Henley street list’d h’re, we shall deliv’r the computer to yond addresseth
Aemilia. Can thee confirm at which hour this shall beest done, much timeth hast alreayd hath passed
Solinus. ‘twill beest deliv’r’d in 2 to 3 business days
Exeunt Solinus
Act VI
Scene I. Aemilia’s Office
Three business days have passed
Aemilia. Hark Solinus! Three days has’t hath passed and mine own computer hast still not arriv’d
Enter Solinus
Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?
Aemilia. I wast toldeth mine own computer wouldst beest deliv’r’d by the present day and t still hasn’t arriv’d
Solinus. Who is’t toldeth thee yond?
Aemilia. I spake to one of thy colleagues and those gents hath said t wouldst beest deliv’r’d in 2-3 days, and t’s anon been 3 days.
Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out
Exeunt Solinus
Scene II. Aemilia’s Office
Some time has passed
Enter Solinus
Solinus. The parcel is waiting f’r thee to collecteth at the st’re
Aemilia. I wast toldeth t wouldst beest deliv’r’d, be hanged! Hast nothing been done?
Solinus. T wast unable to beest deliv’r’d to thy addresseth, thee needeth to collecteth t from the st’re
Aemilia. What addresseth is yond? t hast nev’r been deliv’r’d to mine own addresseth
Solinus. Thee gaveth the addresseth 2 Apple street
Aemilia. Blessed fig’s end! I nev’r gaveth yond addresseth, yond wast thy misprision!
Solinus. The only option is to collecteth the parcel from the st’re
Aemilia. Then wherefore wast I toldeth yond t wouldst beest redirect’d to me multiple times. When, Solinus, when?!
Exeunt Aemilia
Scene III. Aemilia’s Office
Some more time has passed, Aemilia sits at her desk
[A carrier pigeon flies into the room and drops a letter]
Aemilia. Dear Aemilia, our lasteth conv’rsation end’d abruptly.
The messenger is unable to redeliv’r to thy addresseth, the only option is to picketh up the device from the st’re. Thee only has’t to v’rify thy nameth, not thy addresseth.
I hath asked f’r an exemption but the messenger shall not deliv’r t. The only oth’r option is to collecteth t from the messenger’s house.
If ‘t be true thee doth not picketh up the parcel at the messenger’s house, those gents shall sendeth t backeth to us and ‘twill taketh weeks f’r us to reship t to thy c’rrect addresseth and mine own mast’r might not but approveth this first.
Kind wishes, Solinus
Exeunt Aemilia
Scene IV. The Store
More time has passed, Aemilia speaks to Balthazar at the store counter
Aemilia. Prithee kind sir, the parcel wast hath sent to the wrong addresseth
Balthazar. We wilt v’rify thy addresseth
Aemilia. But I liveth not th’re anym’re
Balthazar. We needeth to v’rify bef’re thee can collecteth thy parcel
[Aemilia burts into tears]
Aemilia. I haven’t hath lived th’re in 3 years, seeth on mine own pap’rs the addresseth did strike through sev’ral times
Balthazar. Tis hard to readeth, but aye t seemeth to showeth the addresseth th’re. H’re is thy parcel
Aemilia. O summer’s day; you and your lady, take from my heart all thankfullness!
Exeunt Aemilia